If only she could come inside his head and see what was there, Strike thought, she'd understand that she occupied a unique place in his thoughts and in his affections. And when it goes wrong, I'll lose you for good, and this thing we've built together, which is literally the only good part of my life, my vocation, my pride, my greatest achievement, will be forever fucked, because I won't find anyone I enjoy running things with, the way I enjoy running them with you, and everything afterward will be tainted by the memory of you. Įxcept, it'll go wrong, of course, because it always goes wrong, because if I were the type for permanence, I'd already be married. I like knowing the possibility's there, for us to, maybe. I don't want some other bastard to persuade you into a second marriage. I want to be alone, and unburdened, and free.īut I don't want you to be with anyone else. I try not to give names to what I feel for you, because I already know it's too much, and I want peace from the shit that love brings in its wake. “How could he say, look, I've tried not to fancy you since you first took your coat off in this office.
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